Nike Football: My Time is Now

A brand new ad from Nike – perhaps the best one they’ve ever done.

Bee Swarm Attacks Brazilian Match

When I first saw this video I feared the worst having seen similar scenes last year when gunshots erupted outside a stadium in Mexico. But alas, this was nothing more than a bunch of grown men humping the ground and praying to avoid the wrath of one of the fiercest and most intimidating predators in the insect kingdom…bees. A massive swarm to be exact.

Players from Fluminense and Juazeirense hit the deck at the latter’s Adauto Moraes stadium in the Brazilian city of Juazeiro after a swarm of bees invaded the proceedings sending all those in attendance into a tizzy. Yet after viewing the video it’s hard to figure out how threatening the flying stingers truly were.

For one thing you can’t see them. Some players simply sit on the pitch while another can be seen walking around. And as some fans rush for cover under a large banner, a few remained in their seats exposed to the elements chewing the fat. The highlight comes at the 49 second mark when the referee, also laying prone on the ground, radios in for an air strike. His coordinates however proved faulty and the planes missed their desired target. Play would eventually resume and Fluminense escaped, sting-free, with a 1-0 victory.

The referee’s wish for a cameo appearance in the next version of Call of Duty ended as quickly as it began.

Cabanas Returns From Near-Death Shooting

This past weekend, football was secondary. Seeing 25 year-old Livorno midfielder Piermario Morosini collapse on the pitch put everything in perspective once again for the football world just weeks after Fabrice Muamba’s similar heart attack on the field against Tottenham. Only on Saturday, Morosini wasn’t as lucky and died en route to the hospital. And yet amid the shock and grief, something miraculous happened on the other side of the globe providing a small ray of light on such a dark weekend.

In the small Paraguayan city of Itauguá, 850 spectators witnessed the unthinkable. Salvador Cabanas trotted out of the tunnel triumphantly onto the pitch for the first time in over two years.

Back in January 2010, Cabanas was partying at a nightclub in Mexico City with some friends. After an altercation, Cabanas made his way to the bathroom where he was confronted and shot in the head. Somehow he avoided death by just an inch. Two years on after an unimaginable recovery process Cabanas returned (the bullet is still lodged in his head since removal would prove fatal).

Substituted after 41 minutes for his hometown Third Division club 12 de Octubre, the Paraguayan displayed a fighting spirit and unwavering determination which aptly characterized the former Paraguayan captain who had come so far in his battle for survival. Despite the sparse crowd, the magnitude of the moment was not lost on the entire country and region.

The world will mourn the untimely loss of Morosini and try to make sense of this terrible tragedy. But we must not lose sight of these two incredible developments – Cabanas and Muamba (just released from the hospital) stared death in the face and said no. They are with us today and hopefully for many years to come.

Photo courtesy of goal.com

New Arsenal Shirt Leaked

The 2012-13 Arsenal home shirt was leaked yesterday and no matter how you look at it, you cannot avoid the obvious fact: it looks very much like a Manchester United jersey. More specifically the away kit from 2010-11.

Perhaps this is a new strategy for Arsenal seeking a bit of luck in claiming their first piece of silverware since 2005. After all, their whopping outlay of transfer funds in that period on sub-standard talent has brought Arsenal to a very proud and consistent level of mediocrity (yes, losing to Birmingham City in the Carling Cup final and celebrating 4th place each year is a sign of mediocrity).

On the surface it seems like a good idea. Make yourselves look like the champs and maybe you’ll play like them. Maybe the players will enjoy court-ordered injunctions to keep their mistresses quiet, much like the United players have benefited from over the past decade. Or maybe it will simply anger Arsenal supporters. I vote on the latter.

Photo courtesy of arsenalnews.co.uk

Referee Suspended for In-Game Phone Call

It’s never easy refereeing young kids playing sports – uncoordinated, sloppy, and that one overweight kid who makes a fool of himself tripping over his own calf. Not to mention the parents who often treat such outings as a hall pass to act like immature college students looking for fights. So maybe Fathellah Dabhi figured nobody was paying any attention to the only guy on the field dressed in black towering over every player…or maybe he’s just an idiot.

Last week in Catalunya while officiating a match between Linyola and Guissona, Dabhi received a phone call and felt the need to answer it. While it’s hard to imagine what compelled him to pick up the phone, one must also consider why that phone was in his pocket in the first place!

As a result, the Catalan Football Association levied an 8 match suspension yesterday citing an act of disrespect and “a complete and utter contempt for participants in the match and the tournament itself,” as well as the potential “risk posed by introducing an alien element to the game such as a mobile phone.”

A more suitable punishment would have been allowing each player involved to smack him across the face for being a complete and utter moron.

Photo courtesy of mundodeportivo.com

Fox Soccer Channel Blunder

Another quality moment from America’s leading soccer network…

“This Way” To The Goal

I’ve always thought that being a supporter meant wearing your team’s colors, traveling to home/away matches, and cheering on your club during the best of times and more importantly during the worst. But never in a million years did I ever expect to see this.

FC Magdeburg, wallowing in last place of the German Fourth Division, have had a slight problem scoring goals this season. To be exact, they’ve put only 16 balls into the net over 25 matches. That’s 11 less than the club just ahead of them in the table, not to mention 5 consecutive matches without scoring. As a result, the home fans took matters into their own hands.

Facing Berliner AK ’07, supporters behind each goal held neon cut-outs of arrows pointing towards the net. They also unfurled a banner which read “Don’t worry, we’ll show you where the goal is!” The hilarity is not just their standing with arrows, but as the ball moved from one side of the pitch in the other, so too did the supporters sprint across the stands to ensure that the arrows continued to point in the appropriate direction.

Proceedings looked bleak until 10 minutes from time when Chris Wright (USA! USA! USA!) scored for the home side, ending a preposterous 558-minute drought…only for Berliner to knock home the winner in stoppage time to snatch a 2-1 victory.

At least the fans will look back at those 10 minutes as being the most memorable of the season and can now look forward to a successful career as traffic cops.

The historic goal can be found at the 7:05 mark.

Millwall Supporter Flies Solo

Nobody enjoys losing, especially a paying customer at a sporting event. A sense of time wasted sets in, a stomach in knots thinking about what could have been, and in extreme cases of stupidity the need to commit an act of violence. Sometimes defiance substitutes nicely for flailing fists and in the case of one lonely Millwall supporter,  standing up to the thousands of traveling Leeds fans was an acceptable alternative.

In response to his team losing 1-0 at home, this man took on the entire North Stand hurling profanities and eventually issuing a “slit your throat” sign. All the while, the Leeds fans embraced this moron by serenading him with a few cheeky songs of their own to illuminate how completely insignificant his actions were.

You lost buddy so just deal with it. Your team is shit anyway sitting just a few points off relegation in England’s second division. There is really nothing more pathetic than a desperate supporter seeking an upper hand in defeat.

WAG Wednesday Part 25 – Sam Cooke

Young, promising, athletic, versatile, a salary of £50,000 a week, and an integral part of Manchester United’s present and future. What more could Chris Smalling ask for? How about Sam Cooke. Seems only logical that such an up-and-coming talent would attract a bombshell like Cooke, right?

Not really. He’s f*ck ugly. And no, she’s not attracted to his personality. Cooke frequents The Sun on a weekly basis posing half naked or in many cases completely topless. So it’s safe to assume she wouldn’t recognize personality if it hit her in the face.

But this shouldn’t be an indictment of her poor taste. Whether it’s Chris Smalling, David Beckham, Justin Bieber, or the Pillsbury Dough Boy, she’ll still melt your face no matter who she dates.

Ray Hudsonisms Part 2

Valencia vs Barcelona – 9.21.11

“Beautifully released by Lionel Messi. Mathieu is all over Lionel but he can still measure it to split millimeter perfection on the run under pressure – means nothing to him. Still another red carpet pass.”

“Pep Guardiola keeping the ex-Valencia man, David Villa, sat on the bench twitching like a greyhound to get out of the traps.”

“Virtually runs into the Barcelona players more than anything. And goes lubbly jubbly upside down.” (Adil Rami)

“And this has upset the apple cart!” (Abidal’s own goal)

“Smooth finish. Smoother than an eight-ball. And Pedro smacks it bottom corner! Strap yourselves in, we’re in for a cracker.”

“Wonderful cover by captain tarzan. Comes across – the big insurance policy that he always is.” (Puyol)

“The poor man who’s wearing big goat horns is Eric Abidal.”

“Down that left side again man. They’re attacking like Dracula attacks a plate of liver. They’re feasting on it down there.”

“That’s a great ball in from Thiago Alcantara. And usually that’s magnetized by Messi.”

“Bad pass. He wins it beautifully Fabregas. But he could have led the pass into that cow’s field bad behind Miguel.”

“Dani Alves still able to throw the lasso around [Piatti].”

“We’re just had two eclipses of the sun tonight.”

“Messi is mesmerizing – just bamboozles the entire defense.”