Meet The Terrys – The Most Morally Corrupt Family in England

16 Dec

Drugs, cheating, national ridicule, international ridicule, and now suicide – the consequences heaped upon society by the embarrassing and immature behavior of the Terry family over the past two years. For a time, there was an argument to be made that the actions of Captain England’s family were by no means a measuring stick of his own moral capacity. He bought his divorced parents homes or anything they wanted, and whatever they chose to do on their own was of no reflection of John. Well, that ridiculous tale of innocence soon blew up in all our faces, after the disclosure of the Wayne Bridge affair before the World Cup.

It can now be stated, with utmost certainty, that the limitations in rational decision making exhibited by the parents were passed down to their children. So without further ado, I am proud to introduce you to the most morally corrupt family in England, who now have blood on their hands:

Sue Terry, Mother – Accused last year of shoplifting almost £1,450 pounds of merchandise from a Tesco store in London with a friend. She and her accomplice were arrested and subsequently cautioned by the authorities. At least her upstanding and morally conscious son pulled the plug on plans to host his family in a box at Wembley for an England friendly.

Ted Terry, Father – A few months after his divorced wife forgot to pay at the check-out counter, Ted was taped selling cocaine to an undercover News of the World reporter in a wine bar bathroom. He agreed to sell three grams for £120 – provided he received an additional £40 to buy a gram for himself (not the brightest of drug dealers). Don’t worry, he met the wrath of the police bar owner who banned Terry from his establishment.

John Terry, Captain England – Mr. Terry had an affair with his teammate and very good friend Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend, subsequently getting her pregnant. The story became public just months before England set off to South Africa, and resulted in Bridge excusing himself from the side (not that his presence on the pitch would have made any difference). The scandal led to one of the most anticipated and watched pre-match handshakes in history, as Bridge walked right by his old friend. The affair ultimately ruined Bridge’s career with the national team.

Paul Terry, Brother – Following in his brother’s footsteps and taking it one step further, Paul had an affair with his teammate’s girlfriend, Lindsey Cowan. Dale Roberts, 24, was devastated after the story broke in January, but recently moved back in with his girlfriend to try and re-start their relationship. However, John Terry’s actions cast Roberts as “the other Wayne Bridge” and he began taking anti-depressants.  On Tuesday, Cowan returned home to find her boyfriend hanging in their flat of an apparent suicide. Well done, Paul.

Other than the now vanquished Mansons and Husseins, I’m not sure another family could compete with the Terrys when it comes to breaking the law and completely disregarding the foundations and standards, which allow society to function humanely.

But nobody’s perfect, right?

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