Fat Ronaldo Has A New Son

8 Dec

Fat Ronaldo has been blessed with a brand new son, and no, he didn’t give birth to him. Being a busy footballer in Brazil, Ronaldo may have trouble juggling his day job with the early mornings, diaper changes, and lack of sleep. Not to mention all the paternal care and attention he will need to commit ’round the clock…oh, wait a minute. I seem to have erred in my understanding of the story. Fat Ronaldo indeed has a new son, except he is far from an infant. In fact, he’s a ripe five years old!!

DNA tests confirmed Fat Ronaldo is indeed the father of Alexander. The mother, Michele Umezu, is a Japanese-Brazilian woman who Ronaldo met in Japan during the 2002 World Cup. They apparently got together two years later resulting in her pregnancy. Umezu started the paternity testing process back in July 2009, which probably means she has fallen on tough economic times and needs a sugar daddy to support her and Alex. How convenient!

Problem is, Fat Ronaldo has kids as widespread as his waist line. He has a ten-year old son named Ronald from his marriage to Milene Domingues, a Brazilian footballer. He also has two daughters, Maria Sophia (2) and Maria Alice (8 months) with his current girlfriend Bia Antony who’s an engineer. On the one hand, you gotta love his appeal for the working class woman. On the other hand, he’s getting stretched thin with all these responsibilities  (proverbially that is, although literally would probably suit him better).

Fat Ronaldo made the announcement on his twitter account yesterday:

“Alex is my son, the brother of 3 other beautiful children like him. And I will always be a father to him, for all of the pleasures and duties.”

Let’s hope his definition of “pleasures” does not include over-eating, lack of exercise, and obesity. “Duties” should also include a lesson on how to differentiate between a woman, and what might look like a woman on the surface – the most important thing a father can teach his son.

Best wishes fatty!

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